fog lights

Wow Count Rugen… over a year… that is a long time… is foggy a feeling? it’s been real foggy… for as long as I can remember at this point… fogginess is disorientating and inconvenient and often unsafe… and yet also… with the right conditions… I find it kinda cool and surreal and amazing. When even the most familiar places seem different and like just maybe, reality will shift and we might find ourselves somewhere magical.

It feels similar in my brain — as long as I’m resting, living in the moment, and not grasping for my BC clarity, then the fog part of this whole thing is curious and weird but mostly manageable… and sometimes even delightful. I have to think, at least in my case, it is probably an innate defense mechanism –and a symptom I’m not terribly anxious to clear unless my adrenals, mitochondria, thalamus, nervous system (and the rest of my system) gain some composure.

But I’ll tell you one thing, after a year (more like Groundhog Day / Palm Springs) of muddling around in this ridiculously dense fog, the light around me makes a massive difference on how comfortably I cope.

Maybe it is intrinsic to photographers or the lack of melanin in hazel eyes or the life-long migraines or an artistic temperament or that ill-advised night with a vampire (#noregrets), but I’ve always needed sunglasses, dimmer switches, and balanced lighting. If I don’t, they become a Quadrant 1 Urgent & Important priority. But it isn’t just pragmatic. I also really appreciate lighting as beautiful yet functional art that makes a worthwhile impact.

Before I became a suburban hermit, if you were a guest at one of the many gatherings I’d host BC, especially if it was after dark, I would wax poetic with an unlimited glass of (boxed) red in hand to anyone willing to listen– on how much I love various lighting all around this place or really any place. FYI. It isn’t just you. Thus far, none of those things are back:  No cocktails or gatherings or guests or waxing poetic… barely staying awake past dark. lack the strength to turn off ✈ or open the pile of cards. I digress. Nevertheless!! I would really like to tell you about what is cheerfully glowing throughout my winter den, because they are pretty great, even for those without Orc-ish light sensitivity:

Puck Nightlights — There are tons of options on Amazon. I acquired a few packs, some that plug into outlets and others that are rechargeable. I place these little motion-sensing fellas all over and shuffle them around:  kitchen, bathrooms, stairs, closets, drawers, bookshelves, in dark power-strips, by shoe stations and doors. I even have a few tossed in my travel bag because hotels and airbnbs have notoriously harsh and inconvenient lighting. I like that it feels like I’m royalty and have little assistants wandering around lighting my way and making my life easier, especially when I’m awake late at night. They are comforting, make me safer, and they work so well! Even the wireless ones that go on all the time (like the main stairs) only need to be charged every few weeks and simply put off less light until I swap with one always on a usb charger — super easy, they’ve lasted many years.  And I love them.

Ambiance & Dimmers — Overhead lights are functional and practical and necessary (for surgeries and interrogations) — but even on a dimmer switch, they aren’t mellow enough for whatever is going on in my head. Auxiliary lighting is lovely– incorporating automation, timers, and smart plugs are great, but have you seen the IKEA bulbs with a dimmer remote??? What I like about them is that one dimmer remote can control up to 10 Ikea lights, so I can change the entire ambiance of a space with a button! Even multiple remotes in one room! And they are magnetic! But most importantly — they don’t need a hub or wifi or phone or app!!! These can be used in lamps and dorms and on outlets with a switch or with a smart plug! They automatically remember the last setting!! They are a little pricy, but I only use them in a few spots that really benefit from adjustable lighting and they work great for me.

Solar Fairy Lights — For a variety of reasons, burning candles in the house is not working for me and it hasn’t for awhile. Even BC. Don’t worry, I burn them on the patio. More than ever. Just not in the house. Since I still really love my collection of mosaic and decorative holders, I rearranged them near windows and instead use little solar fairy string lights— and they are a delight!! They are clean and don’t need to be replaced or use batteries or electricity, just some sun from a nearby window. I like that at some point, with no prompting, they randomly turn themselves on. They twinkle away contentedly every evening and make the holders look so pretty. And then they turn themselves off and go to sleep whenever they’ve used up their allotted energy for the day (shouldn’t we all).

Well my friends. I’m not sure I feel like writing a conclusion. If I did, it would include the connection between brain & vehicle fog lights and about the circumspective choice to pull over, rest, and regroup in the thick of it. And then something about appreciating, creating, and being a palliative light, for ourselves foremost and others – Maybe I’d throw in an update on what has gotten better / worse in the past year. But I’m done for now and ready to bask in the dimness and befriend the haze. I’ll make some soup. Go for my walk. Rest. Breathe. Drink mint tea. Maybe I’ll write a conclusion later.  Or maybe this is just the end… Until we meet again…